Porch Talk and Politics
What a lonely mother taught me about respect, leadership, and the grief beneath our politics.
“I don’t tell people who I’m going to vote for,” the woman says through her screen door.
It’s a sunny fall Sunday morning in a working-class neighborhood near my home in Pittsburgh. I’m canvassing for the 2024 Democratic ticket in the upcoming election. I’ve never been to this neighborhood before, not even driving through, but I’d been to other front doors that morning and people had been friendly—one man even laughed as he told me I’d wakened him since he was sleeping late, having worked the third shift at the local factory the night before.
The woman gestures toward the chairs on her front porch and invites me to sit down. It’s clear she’s lonely and wants to talk. She explains that she doesn’t share her political views because of her sons. “They’re Trumpers,” she says. As she elaborates about what that means, she describes a litany of disrespect, and the pain beneath her words is unmistakable. She describes not just their beliefs but their behavior—criticism, name-calling, insults, ridicule, and contempt.
As a mother and grandmother, I feel the grief beneath her isolation. I tell her, “It’s awful to see a leader who represents our country modeling behaviors we’ve spent our lives trying to teach our children not to do. We’re being asked to tolerate conduct in public life that we wouldn’t allow at our own dinner tables.”
Social work researcher Brené Brown, in her book, Atlas of the Heart, names the emotions and behaviors this woman describes—anger, contempt, dehumanization, hate, self-righteousness. She calls these “places we go when we feel wronged.” This woman’s story illustrates the truth in those pages.
There’s a saying in the grief world: Hurt people hurt people. It’s a reminder that when we experience loss, disappointment, or mistreatment, the way forward isn’t revenge. It’s to treat others as we wish to be treated ourselves.
As we mark the 250th anniversary of the American Revolution, let’s remember –democracy isn’t just about independence—it’s about interdependence. It’s about We the people. Respect and decency aren’t frills and luxuries; they’re the vital foundations of healthy families, healthy neighborhoods, and harmonious relationships within and between nations. As the spiritual teacher and political ethicist Mahatma Gandhi warns us –“An eye for an eye risks making the whole world blind.”